Saturday, July 28, 2012

On Feeling Fat & Vulnerable

I have not talked about my weight loss journey in a little while now and I felt that it was a good time to bring it back up because I am feeling vulnerable. Or weak. Or something.

There is one week each month when my body is out of wack. I feel 20 lbs heavier than I am and I feel like I look like a truck ran me over. I know that once this week passes, I will be fine. I will feel better and will not be so hard on myself. But I feel guilty this particular month.

What is making this particular month even more challenging is that I have been eating out at restaurants a lot lately. Since my birthday was last week, several restaurants sent me great coupons to use around my birthday and because D and I can't pass up a good deal; we of course have to try to use them all. Which means that I am really struggling to stay on target with my weight watchers points and because it is a certain week out of the month, I am feeling like I put on that extra 20 lbs that I have worked so hard to lose since January.
source
Tomorrow, Sunday, is my weigh in day. I am really worried to get on the scale. I have a sickening fear that I gained all my weight back. It is so hard to lose weight. So hard. I have sacrificed so many yummy meals or desserts that I was craving. I worked out when I didn't want to. I don't go out to happy hour as much as I would like because I do not want to "drink" my calories.

This journey is hard. But so worth it. I have to keep reminding myself that it is just that. A journey.
There is no race to finish. It is not about how fast I get there. It is about the experience and the journey and what I learn along the way. And I will have set backs and I will get back on track...

But in the mean time; it is so damn hard.

11 thoughts:

Christina's Adventures said...

Thanks so much for sharing this - I haven't shared much of my weight loss journey because I don't like to admit that I'm down 20 pounds (yay!!) because that means I let myself get so heavy (still have 15-20 more to lose!) It's SO hard - I totally get that. Keep working - let's keep eachother motivated!! We CAN do it!!

Gina Dixon {Hiya Luv} said...

Thank you for your sweet note and for your support. Losing 20 lbs is so hard to do and I am so proud of how far I have come. You should be really proud also. That 20lbs is tough to get rid of and then to keep it off while you continue to lose more is also really hard. You are doing a fantastic job and we can for sure help each other stay on track. I want to lose another 10 lbs still and I have been working on those annoying 10 lbs for several months now. I feel like I am just maintaining at best but want to lose. I was at my lowest weight yet before my birthday but then gained some back. Last week I was up 3 lbs and am really worried I will be up a couple again this week. I need to just use it as motivation to get back on track next week! Thanks for your comment and we can for sure help each other:) gina

Jilly said...

Hey love, well done on the 20lb loss... I know a bad week can make you feel awful and out of control but just focus on how well you've done and remember what you can achieve when you put your mind to it!! As you know it's also been my birthday this week so I've been sooo bad! Dreading my weigh in on Wednesday but at the end of the day Id hate to restrict myself on special occasions and I'm ready and motivated to get back on WW on Monday!! Good luck!

Laree Nelson Ipson said...

OH, I know that week! When I did Weight watchers (about 10 years ago), I learned that week was the HARDEST for me. My body craved fat - chocolate, mashed potatoes and gravy, biscuts, anything high in fat.

Just remember, it's only a week. You'll get there!

I'm excited to start trying to loose weight (my baby was born 3 days ago, so I can finally try and see those scale numbers go DOWN not UP!). Thanks for sharing your journey!

Gina Dixon {Hiya Luv} said...

Oh my goodness Laree! Congrats on your baby:) I hope you will share some of your journey. I have found so much support in the blogging and twitter community with my weight loss journey. There are some terrific ladies out there who know exactly what to say and when---just like your comment to this post. I hate THAT week! I eat and eat and eat and feel terrible! Thanks again for your comment!

Lena Leson said...

Oh Gina, I just want to give you a big hug–you've done such an amazing job, and all the hard work and dedication IS paying off!

hollycroft94 said...

you can do it sweetie; it is so difficult I know, but one step at a time & you'll get there - but I get the whole feeling even heavier now & then! Sending you lots of positive thoughts :) xox

Gina Dixon {Hiya Luv} said...

Thanks so much Ruth! I appreciate your words of encouragement while I travel on this weight loss journey. Hope you are well! Are you experiencing any Olympic madness?! :)
Gina

Gina Dixon {Hiya Luv} said...

Thanks Lena!! Having a set back every now and then is part of the journey and I shouldn't beat myself up over it too often. I really appreciate your support and kind words of encouragement. :)

Jen Hatzung said...

i know exactly how you feel. there are days when i feel like i ate 3 days worth of food and no matter what i do i am still hungry, lol. i know that i eat not so great on the weekend so i changed my weigh in day to friday, so i can see how great ive done all week and know that if i mess up on the weekend i wont weigh myself again until tuesday, hehe

Gina Dixon {Hiya Luv} said...

That is a great idea! go you! :)gina

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