Friday, June 24, 2011

scraped knees, wounded heart

I was not prepared for what happened to my Polo on Wednesday. Dave and I picked him up from the vet to hear him crying and shrieking. His tail was completely cut up as the tumor was larger than the vet had originally thought. The vet said, "If the tail doesn't get circulation or gets infected, we will have to amputate and that surgery is much more invasive than this one." I have never felt such pain in my heart until that moment.

What?! He made this surgery sound like a simple procedure during our check-up. I was not prepared for this.

Dave and I have no children. Polo is our child. The love of our lives. Some people can't understand this because he is a dog; a creature. He is. But he is so much more. He is a little boy in his four-legged body. His personality shines. He is just so unique.

To say the last few days have been rough would be an understatement. I haven't showered in days. Food-not sure what that is anymore nor do I care. Polo's tail won't stop bleeding. He won't go to the bathroom. We have to try to clean this large wound and spray it with hydrogen peroxide and he looks at us with the saddest puppy dog eyes as if we are intentionally trying to hurt him.

He wants to go outside and go on "the route" around the block. He wears his cone with pride. He can't walk that far but he won't take no for an answer. He will try and then stand there panting wondering, "why?" Sometimes I have to carry him home. Today I slipped and fell while carrying him; scraping up my knees. As I stood there with blood on my knees I looked up at the sky with tears in my eyes, and whispered, "why?"

Polo doesn't understand what just happened to him. He doesn't understand why there is a sheet covered in his blood in the family room that he must stay on. He doesn't understand why he can't sit on the couch or lay in bed. He doesn't understand why...

He doesn't understand why I cry all the time.
He is a my child in a four-legged body.

The pain I feel is unbearable. Unreal.

I turn to the scripture. Looking for hope. Looking for positivity.
I'm trying to trust.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart 
   and lean not on your own understanding; 
 in all your ways submit to him, 
   and he will make your paths straight. {Proverbs 3; 5-6}

Dave tells Polo and I, "One day at a time. Tomorrow will be better than today."
I can only pray.

19 thoughts:

ArtsyNina said...

Aww, Hugs! I understand completely. Years ago my beloved lab Moose went through two stomach surgeries. It was a horrible two months full of anxiety and tears.

Hope your Polo heals fast and complication free!

Mandy [Mandipidy] said...

I teared up reading this thinking about Ali and how I would feel if it were her. It's not silly at all- pets really do become a real part of the family and it is painful to see them suffer or to think of losing them. Praying for you and Dave and sweet little Polo.

kate funk said...

Awww poor little guy!! All the positive thoughtsin the world!
velvet cupcakes

Simply Sara said...

Awww, I hope he is feeling better soon!! And he still wants to go outside so that's good!! As each day passes he will heal and be back to his normal self, I know what you mean about polo being your child. I keep telling the hubs I want tobe a stay at home dog mom, hehe....

Mama Pea said...

get well soon polo!

Chrissy said...

Oh no, I am so sorry to hear that! I hope he gets better soon! I so understand you, our pets are family members, kids, as well! We love them to death and anything that happens to them is just simple devastating!
Praying for your sweetheart to get well!
Hugs xxx

The Bonjour Four said...

gina i am so sorry to hear that about your baby. :( I cant even imagine how hard that must be for you... i know my heart would ache if einstein were in that much pain and having to go through that. hang in there girl. hope he has a speedy recovery!

Ms. Megan said...

Gina darling, how awful. I hope with all my heart that Polo gets better soon and that the surgery's help him. God hears your prayers. Lots of love to you and your family. xoxoxo

la petite coquine said...

Oh Gina, there are tears streaming down my face reading this. I can't even imagine how hard this is on all of you, and I'm sending you all my love and prayers. Tomorrow is a new day, and I hope that it's better.

Erika @ Rouge & Whimsy said...

i am tearing up right now. I am so sorry he is in so much pain and is so confused and just... :( no words.

poor baby. praying for him & you.

Christina said...

OK so you definitely made me cry :( I'm praying for your little boy - our dog is definitely our BABY too...I completely feel your pain :( Keep up updated please!!!

Changing Lanes said...

i understand. last august we lost our 12 year old jack russell, Waldo. He was my wedding present. He had a stroke that morning in our bed and lost all ability...we had to take him in that morning very early. It was the hardest THING i have ever been through. And I have had miscarriages and lost family members. But, he was my baby...next to my now "human" babies. Bless you and please get well Polo. :( :)

Andrea said...

Ugh. Heartbreaking. I hope Polo's tail heals up quickly, and that you all can get back to normal life.... It must be so hard! I'm so sorry.

Monique said...

Get well soon Polo!

It is just terrible when pets get sick or injured. You feel so guilty and they can't tell you where it hurts. Lots of love and prayers to Polo and his parents.

the lowes said...

I just stuck my lip out really big in sadness of this little pup. :( hope he gets better so soon!

Madigan at madiganmade said...

Oh hon, I'm so sorry! Hoping he feels better soon. Couldn't imagine what I would do if our furbaby needed surgery. Sending lots of love to you all!

sarah beth said...

oh, this broke my heart :( praying for PEACE for you this day.

Jodi said...

Hang in there! I hope Polo (and you) will feel better soon.

Watkins35 said...

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear about poor Polo; though pleased to hear that the surgery is now through. All my love and prayers for him (& you both). xox

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