Saturday, February 19, 2011

in a fog: dealing with loss

I have happy posts to write...posts that I have been planning for weeks but I can't bring myself to write the way I don't feel. 

The past few days have been a hectic whirlwind. I'm going to be honest, I feel like I have been punched in the stomach. I have never lost a close loved one before so the passing of my grandfather is extremely difficult. All these feelings of grief, loss, and just utter sadness are to be expected but hard to handle. What do I do with these feelings? They clog up my mind, my heart, and soul, causing me not to think straight...all I want to do is just lay around but then I have to hang out with my new friend gloom. 

I went grocery shopping to distract myself from the pain; only to find that it doesn't go away...

I know eventually I will come of this fog...but for now...I must grieve...to heal. 
Have you experienced loss? What helped you? 

32 thoughts:

Terri said...

Oh Gina... I'm so sorry to hear this. I lost my Grandmother several years ago, so I know how hard it is. It did help when I was able to share my grief with others who loved her. Her children & grandchildren spent a lot of time together and we all helped each other through our grief. The other thing is time. Time heals but your wonderful memories will never fade. Take care Gina...

Mary said...

I am so so sorry about your grandpa. I don't have any advice to give really. I am just really sorry. I was close with my grandpa and he passed away a long time ago and it still makes me sad. All I would say is to not ignor your emotions. If you need to cry or be mad then do it.

I'll say a prayer for you and your family. {Hugs}

Blessings,
Mary

BB Goad said...

I'm sorry for your loss, Gina. My prayers are with you and your family. I lost my mom almost 10 years ago and it was by far the hardest thing I encountered. I was comforted knowing her suffering had ended and she was in heaven. It was also important to grieve and realize it's a cyclical process. Be patient with yourself. Hugs!

Monique said...

Oh Gina, I am so sorry for your loss. I have lost too many people to even begin to count, but that doesn't make it any easier. The best advice I have for you is to allow yourself to grieve. Cry, sob, scream, let it out because the more you hold it in the harder it will be to feel happy again. Exchange stories about your grandfather. Remember that grieving is a process, it is different for everyone and it cannot be skipped or rushed. Like most things we have to deal with, you must take one day at a time.

Love,
Monique

Just Jana said...

I am so sorry for your loss sweet friend. I completely understand the pain of losing a grandparents whom you dearly love. I've lost all 4 of mine now so I have been there. It sucks. I pray that you have plenty of time to grieve and that you would be comforted by God. It takes time to grieve. There were weeks I felt great and then out of no where it would hit me and I would sob and that's okay. If you need anything let me know. Also, I might be able to find some old blog posts from after my Grandmas passed when I was in college that I can share with you. I was very young when my Grandpas died so my emotions were much different.

Terri said...

It's the hardest thing we do, losing a loved one. I think if you focus on your memories, write each one you remember down, you will find peace. I found that studying grief helped me understand things clearer. You might try that.

Amber @ A Little Pink in the Cornfields said...

I am so sorry for your loss. :(

thechattymommy said...

So sorry for your loss.
Praying for you.

Simply Sara said...

I lost my grandfather in Sept. and it was not expected at all. I was probably closest to him, which just makes it that much harder. Going to the grocery store reminded me of all the stuff he loved o snack on, as well as us when we would visit. I even got the courage to speak at his service. It helped me lot. It's hard, just remember the things that made you smile. Now all my grandparents have passed, and I definitely miss having them here. Thinking about you.

Oh, and I post pics up everywhere, it helps me.

Sara

aPearantly sew said...

Oh Gina, I am so, so sorry. I was extremely close with my grandmother. She passed away right before I found out I was pregnant with my first, which made it especially hard. The only thing that really helps is time. Find a good shoulder to do lots of crying on, and know that in time it will get easier. Thinking of you often, and praying for you my sweet friend.

Brina said...

I'm so sorry, sweetie. I lost my grandfather over ten years ago, and I remember being really sad. We expected it, though, which helped lessen the pain a little.

My brother's death last year took me by total surprise, though. I never believed any of the doctors who gave us negative outlooks, because they ALWAYS said the same thing and he ALWAYS proved them wrong. This time, however, he was just too weak to fight anymore.

I spent a good two weeks off work after Trevor died. My fiancé was the sweetest, most comforting person to me. He would let me cry for as long as I needed to whenever I needed to. I went through a long bout of depression, but I'm doing much better. It gets a little easier as time goes by. I still have moments when I can't not cry, though. Little things remind me of him.

Don't let anyone tell you how you need to be strong and hold in your emotions. If you need to cry, CRY. If you're angry, find a constructive way to channel that anger.

I really don't want to make you feel worse. I just want to let you know, I've been there. I feel for you. I wish I could give you a big hug and make it all better.

East Shore Lane Designs said...

I lost my grandfather a year ago, right around this time. It's so difficult. Grandpas have a really special place in granddaughters' hearts. I'm not sure what really helps because it almost always hurts, and you never know when it's going to hit you. My best advice is to have "your person"...someone who will let you just sit on the phone and cry for 10 minutes if that's all you want to do. As cliche as it sounds, you do have to take it one day (and one moment) at a time and let yourself feel what you feel with no apologies...hurt, guilt, anger, joy. Just let it all be.
Debbie

San said...

I lost my Grandad last year around the same time... I was 6000 miles away from home when it happened. Being able to go home, attend the funeral and spending time with family was the most important thing.

I'm so sorry for your loss.
P.S. I'm in the Indie Business Class with you.

Lindsay - Paint Me A Picture said...

Sorry for your loss Gina. Praying for you and your family.

Molly aka Posy Mosey said...

Feb.1 was the 1 yr anniversary of my paternal grandfather's death. My maternal grandfather had passed away about 1 year prior to that.
Each experience of loss is different and each person deals with it differently.
Allow yourself to be hopelessly sad. You need to right now. If you try to fight it it will creep up on you and hit you hard later. Usually when you can least handle it. Really think about your grandfather, remember all the wonderful things about him. Take note of the lessons he passed down to you, the intangible things that are at the heart of who he was and what he meant in your life. Write them down so you can preserve them and add to them in the future. Remember his legacy so you can pass it on.
Not that you won't feel sad later, (I have tears welling up as I write this remembering my grandfathers) it will just be a different sadness, one that you can experience more gently.
My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Collette Osuna said...

Gina,

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I too, have suffered losses, my son in particular. Everyone says "time heals everything" and it kinda does, but not really, I dont want to lie. It makes it easier to get through the day. I know the fog in which you speak. It is real...and you must go through it. You never really get "over" the loss, but recalling happy memories seemed to help me a bit. Just knowing that person is in a better place is what helped me. Im here for you hunnie, if you need anything. You, and your family are in my prayers...you are stronger than you even think you are.

Hugs & Kisses,

Cassie said...

Bless your heart, Gina, I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish that loss was not a part of life, but it does teach us to value those that are in our lives. I'm thinkin' of you and praying for you, friend :)

Madigan at madiganmade said...

Gina, I'm so sorry for your loss. Hope your fond memories of your grandfather will get you and your family through this difficult time.

The Bonjour Four said...

Gina,

I am so sorry for your loss. I know that pain and it's so hard. I lost my grandpa four years ago and it broke my heart. I remember so clearly the last time I was with him in the hospital.. i just had this feeling that was the last time I'd see him here on earth. And it was. It was so hard. Lean on your family. Lots of prayer. Allow yourself to grieve.. it will get easier over time. Also, think of the good times you had with him. That always helped me. Again, im so sorry. Praying for you and your family during this difficult time.

Jilly said...

sorry to hear of your loss,

hugs, Jilly xo

Sarah B. said...

So sorry dear! I lost my grandfather when I was 12 but he had lost his mind (so to speak) a long time before that and I never really had a relationship with him... I'm so glad you two were close and had many memories together! I'm praying for you!

Ruthanne said...

Oh, Gina. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I wish I could give you a big, bear hug. And just sit with you. We wouldn't have to talk.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Take one step at a time. Don't try to cover up the pain. You need to grieve.

{{HUG}}

gina said...

I experienced the same feelings with the passing of my grandparents. And, like the commenters before me, the only advice I have to offer is to take one day at a time. And, remember the good times.

Best wishes to you!

Jennifer is Always Sick said...

I had a friend who died suddenly and unexpectedly many years ago. In fact, it was right after high school graduation. what a time to suddenly go, right? Well, it was a matter of just allowing myself to feel what I felt, and spend as much time with the people who missed her just as much as I did. At that time, it was easier to grieve, as I didn't have a full-time job or kids to take care of. That made it easier to get through, I think.

Sorry for your loss.

Lulu, Karl, Carlita, y Luke said...

I m so sorry for your los s. I can't imagine what you are going through. Prayers and live being sent our to you and your family

Watkins35 said...

oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry for your loss. Grief, whilst being a truly heartwrenching thing, is important - let it all out honey, grieve for him, but also remember all the wonderful time you spent with him and celebrate the life he had. The grief will ease with time, but give yourself time.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and I'm here if you need to 'chat'. God bless xox

WendyB said...

Grief takes its own time. My thoughts are with you.

la petite coquine said...

Oh darling, know that there's nothing I want to do more than give you a great big hug right now. I lost my grandfather last summer after a very long battle with colon cancer, and it was the first time I'd lost someone close to be and was old enough to really understand it. I knew that his passing also meant that his suffering was over, and I was so glad for that, but it didn't make losing him any easier.

Just the other day, I bought ice cream, and when I dipped my spoon into the carton, I was suddenly back in my grandfather's arms, eating his favorite raspberry ice cream at Dresser Hill, a place I haven't visited in years. It was such an amazing gift, and I called my mom and we both enjoyed the memory of a man we love so much.

Your grandfather was an amazing man, and I know that soon your fog will lift.

All my love, Lena

Erika said...

hi gina.
there really is nothing to say/do to make pain of losing someone go away. It's okay and completely right to feel loss and confusion and anger. It's okay to sleep, and cry and be confused. Remember the good times and let yourself be. Eventually healing, a little bit by little bit, will come.

prayers,
erika

Sandy a la Mode said...

oh gina! i am soo sorry to hear about your crazy whirlwind of a few days! :( definitely take one day at a time and keep busy, think about the good memories you've had to help yourself get through it! xoxo

Elisse said...

Hi Gina,

I know from your tweets, you've been grieving the changes in your grandpa's health, and coming to acknowledge that he was not going be in this world for much longer.

I think the best way to cope with the grieving, is accepting that everyone grieves differently (whether they're overt versus "quiet" in showing their grief). No one does it the same way, but know that those family members are struck by this traumatic and sad event.

I don't think anything can prepare us for the death of a loved one. Even experiences with the death of other loved ones. Whatever you do to honor his memory (whether creative, journalling, storytelling, etc.) is the right thing, and what is right for you. Hope this helps.

xoxo,
Elisse

Karina said...

Hi Gina, I was catching up on your blog, and am SO sorry for your loss. I also lost my grandfather on February 1st 2011. I know the horrible depression sadness feeling to well ;( What has helped is talking about it with friends, letting myself mope around and cry a lot has also helped. Looking at my grandaddys pictures and remembering the good times has helped with the soothing. If you ever need to talk about it feel free to email me at Kary10024@hotmail.com ;) Hope your feeling much better sweetie! xo

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